Today will hopefully be the last binge-day and therefore horrible day of my life. I'm not saying that I won't have any more horrible days, but I really believe that if I can stop binge-eating, I will be a much happier person.
I'm a 15 year old girl and have had my fair share of troubles throughout my life, and to deal with those I more than often resort to food. That amazing feeling of relief once those delicious foods are inside of me is so powerful.. for a little while. For a little while until that craving of happiness is so overwhelming that I take it way too far and make myself feel sick. I'm over it and I feel like a disgusting, fat pig. 🐷
I do have binge-eating disorder, and for those who don't know it's basically uncontrolled eating. However there is definitely a difference between over-eating and binge-eating, because everybody overeats from time to time. I remember the first time I told my friends I had binge-eating disorder that were all like "ooo maybe I have that! I eat sooo much" and I'm thinking hunny spend a day at my house cuz you ain't seen nothing. It's also important to remember that its a mental disorder and the binge eating is only a way of dealing with it.
I understand that controlling my binge-eating won't make the problems go away, but they sure as hell will lessen my anxiety, depression and help me to tackle the real problems attacking me.
I've been trying really hard to overcome this disorder for a while now and recently I achieved 11 days without binge-eating ! 😊I'm really proud of myself for that, but the three exhausting days that followed pretty much destroyed all my glory. 😢
Today was the third day after my 11-day-marathon and one of my better binges because at the start of my day I was focused on making it a good day, but at about lunch time my cravings got the better of me.
My diet today:
-1 cup of "Be Natural" cereal
-a bowl of sliced peaches
-1 cup of vaalia yoghurt
-a banana
-a full plate of indian food from last night (butter chicken, prawn masala, rogan josh and some others) with rice
-10 mini chicken kiev balls
-10 mini arancini balls
-1 party sausage roll
-half a plate of vegetables (broccoli, peas, carrot and corn)
-1 lemon macaron
-a slice of strawberry cheesecake slice
-a mint slice biscuit
-half a large packet chips
-4 squares of dark chocolate
-half of a large freddo frog with hundreds and thousands
-half a chicken thigh
-bowl of vanilla ice cream
(about an hours break)
-20 chocolate macarons that I made
-cheese and Vegemite sandwich with white bread
-another handful of chips
..And the day isn't over yet :/
Some of you might look at this and think wow, what a pig. Or some of you might not believe me. Sadly though, this is one of my "better" binge days. I feel disgusting, fat and ashamed of myself. Every time I binge I say that I'll make up for it tomorrow or I'll go for a huge run. But then it never happens and even if I do go for a run I'll binge afterwards. I'm not only hurting myself, but my mum who cares about me and suffers from her own depression.
Another hard thing for me is that I love to bake and usually I go overboard with eating it. Like one time I made this cake and I ate the whole thing ! Is that even physically possible ? Well apparently it is for me.
I really want this to be my last pig out and I swear I'll use all my strength and do whatever it takes to overcome this evil disorder. Sorry this post has been so long, I promise my next one won't be, but I just wanted to give some background on where this is coming from.
Alice Menner xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment